Development

I created a little mind map to help me come up with some ideas for how I could present my work. 

Firstly this composition does not contain any illustration. Whilst I was thinking of what to compose for this particular idea, I couldn't come up with any illustrations that I could use within the bubble that represents my head and thoughts. Thinking along the lines of Mixed Media, I decided to take some inspiration from my art project and use acrylic paint and ink. Firstly I cut out some newspaper and spelled out the words Over thinking, which explains the whole idea.I then started with using the inks, producing harsh brush strokes creating lines coming out from my neck. The ink stops a 1/4 of the way up and I then started using the acrylics, using the same technique. I layered the colours yellow, green, blue and red. The strokes used were harsh and random creating a busy like effect within the bubble, this represents my thoughts when I over think. I believe this is the most effective way to show this because at the time I tend to think about everything and anything and my brain is very busy and full almost to the point of explosive.

This is another version of the over thinking idea using the same Photograph. This time I experimented with just using ink as the base for the Media. Again I used sharp brush strokes leading off from my neck. The strokes are more fuller at the start and then gradually branch out on the page. I then experimented with a flicking technique during at the end of the brush strokes of ink. I used ink also for this splattering technique, using my finger on the end of the brush to spray the ink onto the page. Doing this represents how close my thoughts were to exploding. It is a hard condition to explain because it happens inside your own thoughts therefore, this being similar  to the other experiment, shows perfectly how it feels to have the habit of over thinking.

Disconnection from family; I used the subject of my mother. I cut her out from the original Photograph and placed her in the bottom right hand corner of the page. In the top left corner I drew someone who represents me, facing diagonally down to look at my mother. I then drew a speech bubble coming out of my mouth and around my mother making sure that it leaves a little space in between the bubble and my mum. This represents the barrier I had last year, not being able to talk to her about the problems I was facing. I then wanted to incorporate an illustration to put in the bubble. I decided on drawing my hand reaching out. This is to show how much I wanted to reach out to my mum and tell her things but because of the troubles, it felt like I couldn't. I then used newspaper to create the word 'mum' and placed them around the hand. This is as if I am shouting the word 'mum' to get her attention yet she is oblivious to what was going on. Naturally as a parent she was worried about me at this time as I was noticeably different, however she did not know to what extent due to the fact I didn't say anything, therefore in my mind I was mentally shouting for my mums attention so I could tell her. Also I outlined the bubble on the inside with the words 'help me' which is what I needed to say to someone, I definitely was going through this on my own and didn't do anything to get help. Lastly I had to think about what I could use in the rest of the bubble. I decided to write words of everything that was going on. Everything I was feeling to everything I was experiencing. This is because the majority of these nobody knew I felt these things therefore it is something that was kept from my mother.

To improve this, I will lose the newspaper element to the Photograph as it is distracting from the point of that the thoughts are mine. Overall, the whole project will turn out all illustration as using a variety of mixed media does not express my emotions as much as I can myself through my illustrations. 

This is the composition focusing on my troubles with my weight. To start with, I cut out the image of the scales and my feet and placed it onto a blank page, also making it smaller to the original Photograph, and placed it at the bottom of the composition in the centre. I wanted to use a variety of Mixed Media in this one therefore I started off by collecting words from newspaper and magazines to stick down around the Photograph. I wanted to use this media because newspaper and magazines are very influential and tend to have many weekly articles about someone who has lost weight, diets, or someone/ celebrity with an amazing body. Knowing that newspapers and magazines have a really big impact on young people in this present time with how they look, I wanted to include this as I believe it is very relevant to how they made me feel when I saw an article about these things. The words 'body,' 'fat,' 'obese,' 'diet,' 'hate' I spelled out with the magazine and newspaper as these were the main thought process every time I weighed myself and stand out in my mind which is why I used this type of media for this as it easily stands out. I drew up an illustration in the top left corner of a stomach with a measure around it. I also drew a crossed out dinner plate which represents that whenever I weighed myself I thought I needed to eat less or be really strict with my diet so that I lost more weight. Next, I decided to use another type of different media and gathered some information to place around the scales. I used information on obesity as before I lost weight I believed I was obese, and for me that needed to change. Lastly I tried thinking of how i felt whenever I stepped onto the scales, I started with using my fine liner to draw squiggles in the parts that were blank. It then became scribbles and as I was thinking of how I felt I realised I was angrily scribbling around the page. I think now, it is an accurate representation of how it felt.

I experimented with the same Photograph as above, however I kept the size the same as it was taken. As I edited the Photograph to be black and white I wanted to stay on that theme, I also wanted to cover up the background in the Photograph as it was just plain, therefore I covered the background with newspaper. To me, newspaper, being black and white is always gives a negative mood to certain things. Using this as the background makes it look busy and complicated. The subject being in the middle makes the composition even. As there is space either side of the subject i decided to draw illustrations over the top of the newspaper. I wrote 'Lose weight' at the top of the composition above the scales as it is placed near the number bar showing my weight. On the right side of the composition I drew a larger figure and on the left, a thinner figure. This could mean a couple of things, for example it is like I am in the middle of both these figures, that my weight is constant as if it feels like I'm not losing any weight and I am neutral. Also it could suggest that the figure on the right is what I feel that I looked like and the figure on the left is what I aspire to look like

To develop this, I feel that the newspaper does not fully show the meaning of what I am trying to put across therefore I will use the same Photograph without using the newspaper as a background. I will incorporate more illustration into the image to express more of my thoughts and feelings about loosing weight.

This next composition is addressing the problem I had with the completion of my AS levels last year. I used the photograph of my AS biology book to show that it was this subject I had to drop because I found it too difficult. I started with the illustrations and drew a 'zzz' to portray that the amount of stress I  felt whilst doing these subjects made me tired and unmotivated, therefore all I wanted to do was sleep. I then wrote 'Failure' in the space under the book which I remember saying a lot in that period of time to everyone. In the bottom left hand corner I then drew a larger illustration of myself looking stressed. Whenever I think of how badly I did it's an instant reminder of how much stress I felt and that I had never been that stressed before and because it was the main emotion I felt I wanted to show this somehow in this piece. After I had finished these illustrations It was hard to think of other things to illustrate therefore I tried thinking of different media to use. I remembered that I had kept all of the past papers I had done in Chemistry and also found a copy of my results from the summer. I felt that I had to put these on this as then it becomes more understandable for the viewer in how bad I did. Lastly I took the splattering technique from before and used it on this as well. Again I used ink and splattered it mainly over the results. This represents my anger with not only myself but the the school also. I created this on tracing paper and cut around the Photograph. I found doing this easier than using Photoshop to cut around the book, also it seemed much neater.

The next few pieces are to show the issue I had with self harm. Before I mentioned that I didn't plan on addressing this issue as firstly, I wasn't overly comfortable with it and secondly, I didn't know how to go about it. After I came up with the idea of using flowers, the idea seemed to come together well. I edited the hand to black and white on Photoshop and cut around it and placed it onto a blank page. I then thought about what flowers I should illustrate. After much thinking I came up with an idea of illustrating flowers that have a specific meaning. I chose a daisy which means Loyal love, forget me nots which mean undying hope, Gerbera which means happiness and lastly Yarrow which means healing. I specifically chose these as they show a contrast to how it really was. I longed for loyal love and to feel and express the love I have. I felt I needed undying hope as then it was something I found hard to have in due to the state I was in. Happiness was something I also lacked and healing which is the main one as it links to self harm the most. Firstly I drew these flowers around the hand and wrist. I then chose to illustrate thorns and what represents barbed wire to enhance the contrast. Also the thorns and barbed wire are closer to the hand than the flowers so they act as a barrier to let the good things tend to me. I wanted to use a different type of media therefore I thought of using real flowers. I found a few dead leaves around my house and in my garden and stuck some around the illustration. This also represents the contrast between the good flowers and the dead flowers that mean nothing, look ugly and have no use. These were exactly the reasons I used to self harm so I felt using these amongst the good flowers is an accurate representation of this issue.

This is another experiment of the same subject but using a different Photograph. I stuck with the same theme of using the flowers. I mainly experimented with a different Photograph to see if the different angle of the wrist worked better. I placed a flower along the wrist this time to show the contrast between beauty and the scars as not beautiful. I feel that because of the type of project I am doing, each piece I complete will be completely different, therefore I could do many of these and each one will be different. Personally I prefer this Photograph of my hand on it's side as with my illustrations I could even out the composition as the hand is coming out from the right, therefore I made sure my illustrations were mainly on the left to balance out the composition. I also think this looks more effective in the presentation of the Photograph as a whole.

Again, here is another experimentation. Instead, this time I have used tracing paper and cut out the shape of the hand. I left the Photograph as an original with the hand in the middle of the composition. Personally for this idea I don't feel it is as effective on the mood of the story behind it. I used the same illustration idea however on this particular one I did, it looks less finished and busy. The illustrations are not as sharp and dominant in the composition as the hand is in colour which you draw your eyes to first as it is different to the background.

The last experimentation I did for this idea I used the same technique in using tracing paper. I decided to use a different Photograph, this one different from the others with my hand half open instead of outstretched. Again the tracing paper technique didn't work out as well as I had hoped. I experimented a little further with writing across the wrist and down my arm. This represents my self harm scars using the words 'I'm not the beautiful one.' I chose these words as these were the words I would think of regularly and not thinking I was pretty or beautiful was the reason I self harmed. Also the scars that I had on my wrist are not seen as beautiful and I would try and hide them all the time, so the scars being on my wrist reminded me everyday I wasn't beautiful.

To develop on these selection of Photographs on this topic, I want to make it busy so that the flowers are crowding the arm almost overwhelming the subject with these positive things to try and get passed the barrier which I represented with the barbed wire in the illustration. The parts of dead plants that I incorporated in these add texture to the Photograph expanding the mixed media theme, however the leaves I used in these are not as appropriate and the colour, I find a little distracting. Developing on this, I would instead use little flowers so it compliments the theme of the Photograph, therefore adding texture and making a link. I could either use alive flowers or dead flowers as the live flowers would represent the healing process not only physically but also mentally. The dead flowers would represent the tragedy of self harm and that every time someone does it, something beautiful dies (flower). Depending on where I place the flowers, if it were around the arm/hand I would go with the living flowers, if they were placed only wrist, on top of the Photograph, I would use the dead flowers.

Being unhappy with my appearance was always a big thing for me and it still is. Now the majority of girls are unhappy with their appearance however for me this lead on to other problems such as self harm and anxiety. Looking into the mirror I wanted to illustrate how I perceived myself and my thoughts when I looked into the mirror. I started by illustrating half my face. This is an exaggerated version of how my face really looks. I drew myself looking tired. I drew tears to represent how upset I got when I examined myself in the mirror. I used newspaper cuttings to spell out words that I thought of when I looked into the mirror also. I then illustrated me in a cage which represents that I felt trapped in a body I didn't like and also trapped in my thoughts. Also I drew birds around the cage to show that I wanted freedom for myself and my thoughts because  felt trapped and alone.